It's been awhile...

Wow...I havent posted in ages and well I had the free time to do so today :) (warning, this is EXTREMELY random and pointless!)

Life recently has been interesting. School has been surprisingly simple this year. I guess thats because I made the smart decision to take regular classes! Probably the best decision ever! Im getting used to the school routine finally but honestly there are days where I just want to stay in bed! Hey, I need to enjoy my days off of school while I can. Senior exemptions next year only allow you to have 2 absences. Speaking of Senior year...I cannot believe how fast high school has flown by! Goodness it feels like just yesterday I was walking in the doors of Hamilton Southeastern Junior High for my first day of public school with no extra curricular activities and only two friends! Now I am proudly a Junior, a member of Leadership Academy, a High Honor Roll student, and a member of my youth groups Ministry Team. I now have many friends, I enjoy the people I have met and those I am around every day, I have been on two missions trips, to Nicaragua and Jamaica, I went to a week long summer camp BY MYSELF for the first time, I am a sister to two brothers (Adam and Hayden) and 4 sisters (Diana [China], Valerie [Ghana], Rhoda [Ghana], and Laura [Finland]) {Speaking of, I miss them all SO much! Life this year is so much different without you guys, just so you know in case you're reading this!!}, I actually like going to school, much more so than staying at home all day, though at times it is nice, and I have been in and made some great relationships with some amazingly awesome people! I regret nothing that has happened to me these past few years in good old Fortville, Indiana. I know that everyone that has been in my life and everything I have said and done has been for a reason. I have become friends with people that I would have never imagined talking to! It's amazing how God works like that and I am so glad that He has!

Adam

Hayden

Rhoda

Laura and Valerie

I am currently working on deciding what I want to do with my life. I know that it is not my decision and that it is out of my control but I cannot help but worry about it. I have people telling me that I need to be a doctor, people that think I should be a teacher, some who think that I should just be a stay-at-home-mom, but I dont know what I think about any of those. I realized today that I am really good at finding errors in work. I took the PSAT just this morning and one of my friends was sitting just a few seats down from me. He is a really fast test taker and he does extremely well on standardized tests, while I am very slow but I also do very well. On every section he was done at least five minutes early and I was always pushing the time limit, working until the teacher said to stop, UNTIL the last section full of finding and fixing grammatical errors in different sentences and paragraphs. I finished 2-3 minutes before him, which on a standardized test is a huge amount of time in case you didnt know. I could not believe that I had finished before him (not that its a race or anything). And then it hit me. For the first time that whole morning I had felt extremely confident in the work I had done. I felt like I got every single one of those questions correct. Whereas on the others I feel like I did awful! (I know I didnt, its just my mindset during and after tests) I dont know if thats supposed to mean anything or not. Any ways, I was thinking about how excited I got when I found out what the section was about (after the test was finished) and I realized that I really do enjoy fixing errors in writings, math, science, etc. I just enjoy making comments on people's work and seeing what they have to say. Now, I dont know if my future career will have anything to do with this kind of thing, but I know now that it is something that I really enjoy!

I dont know what the point was to that whole rampage about my PSAT test or even if it makes sense. (Im too lazy to go back through and read it, too many words!) Any ways, Those are my thoughts on my PSAT and my life. This concludes the most random blog in the history of blogs! I hope you enjoyed a look into how my brain thinks on a daily basis, jumping from topic to topic, speaking its mind... haha! Thanks for reading! :)

Fears and Realizations

Ive been thinking alot lately about true friends. how can you tell if someone is always going to be there for you? you really cant, its a trust thing. WARNING! trust truly is not my forte... i have tried so many times to put my trust in people and it has backfired on me. so how am i supposed to trust someone? i have no idea. ive tried getting to know the person, ive tried building up to "the big ones", ive tried not telling anything to people. none of it works. i am afraid of being talked about, afraid of being looked down upon, afraid of so many things. lets just say straight up insecure about myself. i fear not being able to find someone that will love me for who i am because of my last dating relationship. i am afraid of not having a best friend because the last two people who i called "best friend" turned around and shoved it in my face. im afraid im going to die alone with no kids because i want them so badly. (i know, im only 16 and i want kids, its a girl thing :) i really do watch too many movies. im afraid that im going to be the one that gets into trouble because im the good girl now. again, too many movies... i need to find something to turn to when i have these doubts. i know God can help me when i have doubts. i know he will always be there for me no matter what i do or say or how many friends i have. these doubts have been eating me alive though. i think that God is trying to emphasize to me that i have way to many doubts and i just need to rely on him when i am struggling.

most of these things are all fears i am currently having, but i think that God is trying to resolve some of them. for starters, i have come across multiple opportunities to talk to some girls in youth group. since i have been home i have painted pottery with one of them and worked, went shopping (finally!!!), and went to dinner with another and went to holiday world with another. He is trying to show me that if i try i can find friends that will do things with me! all i have to do is put myself out there and make an attempt at having a normal friendship first. ive kept these friendships at just that for now. no extreme secrets for now, not that i have any :)

another is my relationship with my last boyfriend. up until just the other day we had not talked at all since we had broke up. then, come to find out we have study hall together this semester and we will both be aiding in the bookstore. at first i couldnt believe it! i was actually really upset and i considered not being an aid just because of him, but i really didnt want to. i went home and told my mom about it and she said that God works in mysterious ways sometimes. i thought alot about the things we talked about while we were dating and one of our common conversations was about having a class together this year. guess what?? WE DO! we're just not dating. obviously God didnt want us to have a class together while we were dating, that probably would have been a really bad thing to be honest. but now we do, and i personally think it is to help us rebuild our relationship. but this time just as friends. i am so excited to see what God has instore for us as friends.

well, thats all for tonight :) sorry if this was boring but i just needed to get my thoughts out. :)

Life As A Working Teen

as most of you know I am up in goshen for the summer working with my uncle in his optometry office. so far I have stuck to the basics. pre-testing, pulling files, filing, and doing anything else that needs to be done. while working I have realized that there are so many opportunities to share Gods word with people. you encounter so many different people, religions, ethnicities, etc. it's the perfect place! but how many people really take this perfect place to their advantage? I know I don't! being bold and starting a conversation with someone you have never met before is really hard. how missionaries do it, I have no idea. a doctors office is the perfect atmosphere to talk to someone in. you have so much dead time in-between tests and writing. you could ask so many questions. but is it the right thing to do? shouldn't you get to know a person before you jump straight into a spiritual conversation with them? that's what my youth pastor taught us when we went on our missions trip to Jamaica. we were supposed to build a relationship with these people that we met and then slowly start adding more personal questions until you started talking about spiritual things in your life and theirs. but I've also hard and seen people just jump into a spiritual conversation with someone and have it come out just as planned in the end. what is needed is a fine line that determines which way each situation should go. which people should you build a relationship with first and which should you just jump into it with first? finding that line is what I need to do because I am constantly surrounded by people that need to hear what the Bible has to say. in school, at work, and just out in public. these people need help but in a way that fits them. I am learning while I am here to find how I can help people and show Gods love through it. one way that I am trying to help people is by going through all of the files in the office, and by the way there are sooooo many, and I am looking for all of the files that have been misfiled. these misfiled files throw off the people that are looking for them and it causes a lot of stress to them. it's such a small thing but it is saving people. lot of time and it is relieving them of stress.

today I started pretesting on my own. for those of you who do not know, pretesting is the part of the eye exam where you read the eye chart without any of the fancy machines, where they low the puff of air in your eyes and such. so far I am. really enjoying it. the people I work with are so kind and understanding. I tested two little boys today. (I'm only testing kids by myself to start off with :) they were both sweethearts. they understood that I was learning and they didn care if I didn't say the right thing and they weren't afraid to ask me what I meant by something. the last little boy of the day started talking to me casually after awhile. he told me about his baseball team and how they lost their first game of the season and then went on a 13 game winning streak but then they lost the championship game. I couldn't help but smile the whole time he was telling me this. he was so excited to be talking to me and I was so excited to listen and to ask him questions. mow, you may be thinking, so what, you talked to a little kid, why is that so important? well I have an answer. it is important to me for many reasons. first of all, as a pretester you don't really talk to the patient that much except to tell them what to do, so it was nice to have a conversation with someone because usually it is awkwardly silent in the room. secondly, kids are usually shy and they don't want to talk to people so him talking to me said that he was stepping out of his comfort zone. and thirdly, I don't usually like to make conversation with people that I don't know so this was a big step for me. I love that these little kids aren't intimidated by me just because I am older. it makes my day when a little kid, with no parent sitting there to tell them to do so says, have a great day! so far I am loving working here. I am learning so much, getting to know new people, and stepping out of my comfort zone mega big time! I am eager to learn more and to spend more time with family but I cannot wait to go home!

have a great day! :)

Life at Leadership Camp!

These past three weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. lets start with the good parts :) three weeks ago we finally, after 4 years got our swamp fixed so it is now a pool! I got my braces off after wearing them for almost two years! I helped with pre-k crafts for VBS at church. and I went to camp with a girlfriend from church and conquered many fears and did things that I never thought I could do! sadly for every good story there is a bad part. that would consist of being away from home so much, not being able to see my sweet puppy, Annie, and my sister Rhoda going back home to Ghana. on top of that I'm trying to deal with some internal battles involving relationships with people and with God.

hopefully you're not bored yet..this is where it should get interesting. I want to talk a little bit about camp. first of all, Twin Lakes this year was my first ever camp experience. yes, my parents are mean, I know :) haha, just kidding. I never really had the desire before this year to go to a camp. it seemed like a stupid idea. why waste the money on a camp where all you do is listen to someone you don't know talk and follow a bunch of crazy rules and a schedule. it sounded like a week long school session that you had to pay for. thankfully my mindset on the matter changed. God got ahold of my heart and made me realize that this could be one of the best decisions I have ever made. now you may be thinking, it's one week of camp. what could you possibly learn in one week that could change your life so much? I wouldn't really say my life was drastically changed, because it wasnt and I'm not afraid to admit it, but I did make decisions and goals that will change my future and I also stepped out of my comfort zone quite often, but I'll get to that later. some of the decisions and goals that I made are to be a three year college graduate, to be more open to what God has for me and my future, to focus more on being friends with people first before I jump into a deep reltionship with them (whether it be friendship where I share all of my secrets and thoughts or a dating relationship) I have been through the negative and the positive in both of these situations, neither is easy, and also to be more open and willing to share my faith with people. I'm eager to see where I end up with these goals and decisions. I hope I follow through with them, but only God knows my future. I can only set goals and pray that it is Gods will for them to happen. now to stepping out of my comfort zone. I shared my testimony with my cabin which was a really hard thing for me to do. I don't feel like my testimony is special at all therefore it's not worth sharing. that's always my mindset, but I need to realize that people care about my life and how I've gotten to where I am today. I also shared alot of my opinions with the group when it came to events that we did throughout the week. though I wasn't always heard, I tried to voice my opinions which is something I struggle with and I also tried to stick my neck out for those who were being ignored by some of the people. I initiated things such as ways to complete tasks and going first on the high ropes course. all in all camp showed me a lot of new things, and that doesn't even include chapel. I'll elaborate on that some other time. I hope this didn't bore you to death. feel free to comment and tell me how I can improve in any way you see necessary. whether it be in my writing, my social life, my walk with God, relationships or whatever. thanks for taking the time to read this!

my first blog :)

so, my first blog. those of you who read this will probably be bored out of your minds by the end of this first paragraph but that doesn't effect me (just don't mention it to me :) I'm mainly going to use this to get my thoughts down. enjoy!